What is the role of men in a matriarchal society?
Men as protectors, fathers and the cement of the community

What children and moms have told me

The special way children are raised in a matriarchal society

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Men in existing matriarchal societies

Among the Minangkabau in West Sumatra, land and houses are passed down through the female line. Men have their own important roles. The mother's eldest brother, the mamak, is the male authority figure for his sister's children and takes care for her family. Many young men also go on merantau: they travel to gain experience, knowledge and wealth, and bring these back to their community. This journey is seen as a mark of success. Men also attent the community council.

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Among the Mosuo near Lugu Lake in China, men live in their mother's household and help raise the children of their sisters. The word for "father" and "uncle" is the same, and children are as attached to their uncles as to their fathers. Among the Haudenosaunee in North America, men serve as chiefs in the council, chosen by the clan mothers and accountable to them. In all these societies, men carry real responsibility, embedded in a community where women hold the centre.

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Men in the Matriarchal World

In the Matriarchal World, men are seen as indispensable. They are the cement that binds society together. Men serve society: strong, skilled, caring, tolerant and protective. They act with respect for nature and with respect for women. A man radiates strength, trust and wisdom, and he is equal to the moon in the universe, just as a woman is equal to the sun.

The pure masculine energy is embraced and seen as the connecting energy between women. Without this energy, a society has no chance of success. The woman stands in her power together with the man, just as the man stands in his power together with the woman.

In the Matriarchal World, this is less about romantic relationships and much more about functions and the division of roles between women and men. Men are seen and honoured as the protectors of society and the planet.

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Every woman is safe, every man is safe. Both feel heard, seen and valued. Because people in the Matriarchal World feel loved, valuable and important, they make their choices from love and respect for themselves, others, animals and nature.

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Masculine and feminine energy in balance

Feminine energy is connected to the heart chakra: love, compassion, connection and inner wisdom. Masculine energy is connected to the base chakra: the centre of our existence, our identity and the strength with which we lead our lives. It gives us the power to protect ourselves and others and to stand up for ourselves.

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In men, the base energy is naturally the strongest; in women, the heart energy. Men develop feminine energy to come into balance, and women develop masculine energy. Both energies are equally important and always complement each other. A person is in balance when both are developed to about the same strength. A balanced man protects with love, leads with his heart and acts with strength and care at the same time.

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In the Matriarchal World, people learn from a young age to keep these energies in balance. It is one of the most important skills in life, because this balance shapes the people around you, your world and the Earth as a whole.

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Roles go to those who suit them best

In the Matriarchal World, roles are given to the people who suit them best. Sometimes that is specifically a man, sometimes specifically a woman. The connection and balance between men and women is important for the stability of a society, so sometimes a man or a woman is needed to keep that balance. In general, people are chosen for their energy, values, talents, and especially their own wishes and goals.

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This is also how the Council of Wises works. Women, men and children sit together in this council of wise leaders, each chosen for their specific mix of talents and skills. Men bring their strength, overview and protective energy into the council, and help make decisions that serve the whole community for generations to come.

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Children grow up as they truly are. Every child has talents and a character that fit his or her life purpose. Different forms of masculinity and femininity belong in a complete society. A boy who is gentle and caring and a boy who is bold and adventurous are both fully boys, and both are welcome.

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Men as fathers, uncles and protectors of children

In a matriarchal society, a child is a child of the whole community, and men are part of the circle of trusted adults around every child. Just like the uncles among the Mosuo and the Minangkabau, men in the Matriarchal World share in raising and guiding children. Children grow up surrounded by both feminine and masculine energy.

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For children, time and attention are the same as love. In my conversations as a child whisperer, children sometimes tell me that they find it hard when their father works long hours and has little time for them. They long for their father's presence. Fortunately, men are rediscovering the role of the involved father, and this role is taking shape more and more.

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An Australian palliative nurse, Bronnie Ware, asked her dying patients what they regretted. One of the most common answers, which she heard from every male patient she cared for, was that they wished they had not worked so hard and had spent more time with their children and loved ones. In the end, what you leave behind is your story: the jokes you made, the conversations you had, the hugs you gave and the look of love in your eyes. A matriarchal society gives men the time and space to build that story.

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What men gain from a matriarchal society

Men also carry pain. Perhaps men's pain is even greater than women's. They too have developed traumas, because they too were left alone by society. Where the business world has long excluded women, family life and care have long excluded men. Their lives may seem easier and calmer, yet many men miss the connection that gives life its meaning.

In a matriarchal society, men are released from the pressure of being the only breadwinner, of always being strong and of proving themselves through money and status. They are valued for who they are: for their protection, their care and their wisdom. By treating women with more respect, men receive much more love, because both their mothers and their partners can only love boys and men fully when they live in safety and freedom.

In the Matriarchal World, relationships are based on a soul connection. Their purpose is to bundle energies, so that people are stronger together. Partners often live apart, so that both have enough time to develop their inner self, and a home is seen as the sanctuary of its owner. Men and women meet each other as equals, in love and respect.

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Men as protectors of the Earth and of peace

In the Matriarchal World, men act with respect for nature and are honoured as protectors of society and the planet. Their strength serves life. A society in balance protects its people and its environment and cares for them with love, and at the same time defends them against anyone who means harm.

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In today's world, this protective strength is often directed at war and competition. In a matriarchal society, it is directed at peacebuilding, at caring for the Earth and at creating safety for women, children and all living beings. When men protect from love instead of fear, they become the guardians of a peaceful world.